Last Summer

Entry: Face to Face
There was no way I could have understood all that was about to happen to me. The stirring of emotion that I had believed had been lost to the past, took place that afternoon. Oh, how my senses awakened. It was a disturbing desire that only could have been described by Shelley. An entity unto itself possessed me. It seemed unnatural; it was forged from a primeval lust. I did not inquire. I chose not to investigate or ponder an explanation. I gave myself to it without reservation, and it would emerge as the master of the days to come.
I was drawn immediately. The attraction was instant. I saw before me a fantasy. Curiosity took me over. I was left with a single thought. This obsession overpowered me, leaving my mind perplexed and my body wanting. The present became everything to me. I embraced each moment. Was this what I had envisioned in my seclusion? Was this the mirage I had created in my quietness? I had gone so long without feeling. My heart was vacant, and I had resigned to live melancholy.
A fire surfaced. The embers kindled by mutual desire. I rehearsed the scenario in my mind. The place, the time, the details were personally designed. I oversaw each aspect of the instant when desire would become force. This magnetic force would drive touch, voice, and soul into solitary matter. At least, I wished it so. I hoped that that time would come. I waited to see if there was a possibility. Was I left with only dreams? Did I play a part alone in an elaborate play?
The mornings and nights that followed were filled with mystery. There was no certainty or assurance of anything conveyed. Encrypted messages and vague banter kept me anticipating any time spent together. There were words spoken with tenderness, prose written with passion, and looks exchanged with longing. I could only pray that there was sincerity, a hint of genuineness. That which seemed authentic to me, I held tightly to the notion that it was a reality. Was this a test? Was this a pastime? I was left blindsided by what happened next…